I actually have clothes that don’t fit me anymore because I’m too fat for them.
But it’s odd; this is the weight my body’s happy at. This is the weight that my body stays at – I could eat anything and not exercise and wouldn’t gain for a while. At this size, I’m less obsessive about my size – the smaller I am, the more absorbed I am. I’m happier, but I don’t want to be this size. I just want to be healthy. And this is what my goal weight of 143lbs is – it will give me a BMI of 24. 5, putting me just inside the healthy weight range. I’m 5″4, if you were wondering.
I have an unusually large bust, and no matter how much I lose, I have never lost any size from there; in fact, I increase in cm/inches. It’s the last place I lose and the first place I gain, so as I fluctuate, as I have recently, I’ve gained so much weight that my 32G bras are now getting too tight. I shouldn’t be wearing a 32 band anyways, as my fat spills around it, but I’m not about to go out and buy new ones now. I just wear tops that hide it as much as possible.
But for the first time ever, my thighs and hips are wider than my bust. I’ve actually shreded the inside of my jeans because they rub together, so much so that I’ve almost got a waddle going. It’s not in my head – it’s the area you first look at now. I don’t like this. I almost look like an upside pineapple. Unusual description, but that’s the thought that pops into my head when I see myself.
I have a belly that would make Budha jealous, only I have a waist, which is one good thing about my shape. That said, when I gain weight, it also goes there. So to begin with, as of Christmas, I lost my small (in comparison, on anyone with average sized boobs it would be considered large) waist and became wider. Now it almost looks small again because my bust has become all the more fuller and my thighs have increased out of sight. But it’s never been firm; it’s like it’s covered in cellulite. One of the rolls has increased so much with the recent gain that my tops get caught up in it, and I have to constantly pull the fabric out of it so no one notices.
Today all this changes; time for the next phase. As of today, I’m going through the motions of shrinking my stomach so I can’t binge on the giant proportions I’ve been consuming every meal the last few months. I’ll eat healthier, cut out the crap. The chocolate, the sugar, the high fat content foods that I crave to no end. A big thing for me will be saying farewell to soft drink – as I dislike juice, it leaves very little left to drink than bland boring water, however I’d say that my consumption of numerous amounts of soft drink daily is cause of at least 50% of the recent gain. And water is 0 calories, so even better. Furthermore, I’m increasing my exercise – 3 Zumba classes a week, walking/jogging up and down hills every day bar 2, when I’ll be walking in excess of 30 minutes with weights. I’m not going to be stupid about it either – I want this to be something I can stick with until the end of June.
If you want to answer this, I’d really appreciate it. If you have tips, please share them. If you want to let me know how repulsive I am, that really would be the best – I respond best to harsh reminders as it motivates me to get further away from this size. If you have any comments please share them – I don’t tell people about my struggles with weight in reality, so the internet is the only place I can get any support or motivation to achieve a healthy body.